


Seeing through the Fog

by Rainyday24



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-16
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-18 18:28:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/564094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainyday24/pseuds/Rainyday24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Clint wakes up after Natasha has knocked Loki out of him ... it takes time for him to truly believe that he is himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing through the Fog

Burning, an unbearable burning sensation. It was the first thing that registers as he began to wake. It felt like someone had crush up shards of broken glass with sand and forced the mixture under his eye lids. Clint put all his focus on coercing his eyes to open, squinting as the blurring images before him danced in a watery puddle. Blinking; he tried to figure out where he was. A new bout of pain rushed through his head and forced his eyes to close again. Everything was coated him blue, as if the edges of his sub-concious was dipped in blue paint. Gritting his teeth he contemplated the possibility that he was dead and this is what Hell felt like. No doubt that at the end of his days, Hell was certainly his destination.

“Clint”

He squirmed a little. Her voice sounded so calm, so soothing, that it nearly served as an admission that he was indeed in Hell. Taken aback by the reality that Natasha was here as well. Perhaps it was his punishment, knowing that he was the one that brought her here, the one who brought about the end of her existence. Forced now to listen to her voice for all eternity; to be continuously reminded of his role in her demise.

The burning returned; his eyes felt like they were set alight. It was only when Clint tried to raise his arms up to quench the ache that he realised that he was restrained. The tight leather straps wrapped around his wrists holding him in place; the first consoling feeling since he awoke.

“You’re going to be alright”

Opening his eyes again, but still nothing, just a blurry mass like looking through broken dirty glass. Blinking, trying to clear the picture but to no avail. But it wasn't just his sight that was blurred; his mind was racing, running on a jagged edge where nothing was concrete. He wanted to ask if they were alive, but he knew that it was a stupid question. He wanted to know if he was himself, perhaps he was looking through Loki’s eyes right now … but no, she had called him by his name!

He strained against his restraints, his mind wandering, ‘she said I was going to be okay’ he pondered on that, an inward smile breaking through and showing on his face.  
“You know that?” dry laughter dragged out from somewhere deep inside his throat, “Is that what you know?” He glances at her, her outline visible through the fog. She’s positioned herself far enough away from him that if he isn't really Clint, if Loki still has control, that he can’t hurt her. Relief washes over him, ‘good girl Tasha’ he thinks, ‘don’t trust me, I don’t even trust myself’.

He sees her lift herself from her seat, a moment of panic rushes through his veins, afraid that she will release him from his prison. Afraid that Loki has fooled them both, Clint refuses to let his guard down, he knows what that monster has planned for her.

“I got no window…” his breath comes out laboured; it’s a warning, a warning for her to stay away. He’s thankful when she moves out of his line of sight, aware that she’s on guard. “…to flush him out.”

“You’ve got to level out; it’s going to take time.”

He hears the gentle sound of water being poured and Natasha’s voice is steady. He recognises the tone; it’s the tone she uses on a mark. He knows that she’s not certain of him, he mentally chastises himself for ever doubting her.

“You don’t understand,” he presses his back harder against the bed, allowing his eyes to slip closed for a moments rest, "I mean, have you ever had someone take your brain and play? Pull you out, and stuff something else in. You know what it's like to be unmade?" He shifts his body to the right, struggling to see her. Trying to figure out if these are really his words, if this is really his voice, his body! He knows that Natasha is the only person who will truly identify him. He trusts her to know him, even when he doesn't know himself. 

She turns to face him, her face unreadable, "You know that I do." He pauses, searching himself for a moment, 'I do know that' he reminds himself of every conversation they've ever had about Red Room, what they did to her, how they controlled her and tore her apart. He knows these things, him, only Clint Barton knows these things! 

"Why am I back?" he takes the chance on believing that he is really back. "How did you get him out?" 

"Cognitive recalibration" she starts to move and his heart beings to race. 'I'm not sure Nat, don't let your guard down yet!' he wants to warn her.  
"I hit you really hard in the head," she takes a seat on his bunk but he can tell that she's not certain that Loki is gone by her lack of eye contact. She's still seeking him out, testing the water. 

"Thanks" he breathes it out more than says it. Clint's not 100% sure what he's thanking her for - that she's being cautious around him now or the fact that she may have very well saved him! 

Her red hair sways as she turns to face him, recognition finally registering on her face as she studies him for a moment. Obviously she finds what she was looking for as she leans over to undo his restraints, a smile tugging on the corners of her lips. 

"Natasha," he watches her as she unbuckles the leather straps, preparing himself for the question he doesn't want her to answer, "How many agents did I take..." but she cuts him off before he can finish the thought.

"Don't!" the firmness of her tone and the strength of her stare is enough to silence him. "Don't do that to yourself Clint," her eyes run across his face, lingering on his eyes, the clear beautiful eyes she was accustomed to which only an hour earlier were overtaken by blue.  
He swallows hard, trying to push past the lump that has appeared in his throat. The number must be high if she's not willing to tell him. 'I've killed my own people' it sounds like a siren in his head ... 'Traitor!'  
"This is Loki," he swallows again, feeling the bile rise up his throat, trying to focus on her words, "this is monsters and magic and nothing we were ever trained for."  
Hearing his name aloud brings a fresh bout of anger and disgust, it overshadows his own remorse. 

"Loki, he get away?" he asks with renewed determination. 

"Yeah," she answers resigned to the fact that she let that monster escape, "Don't suppose you know where?" 

"Didn't need to know, didn't ask" he replies as she lifts herself up onto her feet and moves across the room. That's the moment he truly knows that he's okay, he knows that he really is himself. 'She turned her back to me,' he realises 'she only does that to someone she trusts, she only does that to me!' Relief washes over him, but his joy is short lived, Loki needs to be stopped! 

"He's going to make his move soon though, today." He lifts the glass of water she poured for him to his lips and takes a mouthful, washing away the lingering taste of possession from his mouth.

"We've got to stop him!" she turns to face him as she speak.

"Yeah, whose we?" its a genuine question, his mind is a blur of images and half memories. Stark? He could swear he seen him at some point! Or maybe it was Rogers? Loki was fixated on Banner, was the Hulk still here?

"I don't know," she shrugs, obviously unaware of his confusion, "whoever's left." Clint chooses not to pry deeper, doesn't want to remind her that he is still trying to catch up.

"Well, I ..." he takes his time to put his words together, trying to leave the emotion out of his tone, he can't let her see that he's still shaken, "if I put an arrow through Loki's eye socket, I'd sleep better I suppose" He looks away from her, swallowing up the uncertainty that lingers under the surface. Coming face-to-face with Loki terrifies him. Not because of who Loki is but because of what he could potentially make him do! What if he was just temporarily cured, could they really take the risk of having him that close to Loki?

"Now you sound like you," she says it with a smile as she takes her seat next to him. He instantly feels the heat of her presence. Its like a marker, telling him that he's okay. It also tells him that something is amiss, and it's not him this time!

"But you don't," he studies her feature, there is definitely something different about her, something not quiet right. She drops her eye contact with him and alarm bells start ringing.

"Your a spy not a soldier, and now you want to wade into a war. Why?" he watches her closely. "What did Loki do to you?"

Her eyes flicker for a moment, he's not sure what's hiding behind them but he knows that something is wrong. 

"He didn't, I just..." she stumbles over her words, a sure sign that something terrible has happened. He swallows hard, preparing himself for the answer. He watches her drop her eyes to the ground and let her head hang down. She exhales and his mind beings to race, 'Oh my God what did he do to you?' the question screams inside his head. He fights against the urge to force her to respond and instead encourages her gently, "Natasha?" He glances down at her hands, tangles together on her lap.

"I've been compromised" the words come out of her mouth in a slow and even tone, "I've got red in my ledger" she turns to face him, "I'd like to wipe it out". He nods in agreement, in silent understanding. But he knows that there is more to it than she's letting on. The unspoken words that hang between them, he seen it in her eyes, she's hiding something. He knows that now is not the time for words though, for thinking back on what's happened, now is the time to prepare for what is to come! When this is all over, when Loki is defeated and if they have survived it, then he'll seek out more. For now though, it's time to get ready to fight.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ... any feedback would be greatly appreciated!


End file.
